News on the Fly: Hipster Opens Insider Club

Hipster Trevor Kazlowski

San Francisco
Media Correspondant B. S. Jewell
October 17th, 2006

Bay Area native, Trevor Kazlowski, has opened an “insiders” club. “Basically I was tired of just giving away all of this killer material,” Kaslowski said when asked.

Kazlowski, 22, is well known in many of the city’s music hotspots including such clubs as The Dish, Llamas’ Fur, Club 815 and Leopard’s Lounge. “I’m there every night, talking to DJs, club owners and listening to music. I mean I was at Lep’s (Leopard’s Lounge) the first night the DJ Quorum spun the place--the first night!” he said.

“I told a few of my friends about him and the next thing I know DJ Quorum is everywhere. A few months later, I heard my buddy Chuck telling this girl Stacy that he saw DJ Quorum at Lep’s the first night – man that is {excrement from an uncastrated male bovine animal]! If it wasn’t for me, Chuck probably wouldn’t have heard DJQ until the college station [WUFS] played them like two weeks after the show. That’s when I decided it was time I opened my insiders club.”

“Don’t get me wrong, Kaz[lowski] is a great guy," Kazlowski’s long time friend Jonce Santobal said. "He knows a lot about music and was always the go-to guy when I needed to any music-related suggestion. Although, let me tell you, be prepared to listen to a complete, comprehensive history of every member of the band if you ask about them or their latest album or whatever. Still he’s the guy I went to because he knows his stuff.”

Santobal went on to explain Kazlowski’s club. “The other day I went to ask him about the new Radio on the Television album and whether they were touring anytime soon. He tells me that he can only give out that information to an insider or that I can listen to his girlfriend’s forty-five minute Amway pitch first and then he’ll tell me about it. Dude, what the [intercourse]?”

“I no longer give away my content for free,” Trevor explained. “Either you listen to my girlfriend describe the money and friends that can be had if you join her pyramid scheme or you pay me $15 per month. If you don't give a [excrement] about music, you get you information from Chuck. It’s that simple.”

“Look I have to admit Chuck may not know quite as much as Kaz[lowski] about music," said Santobal, "but he still knows more than me and all I’m really looking for here is a yay or nay. Besides, there are plenty of sites on the internet that offer this stuff for free. I’m not giving Kaz my money”