Questions and Concerns

It's another year of shopping, and with it comes new concerns. Here to answer those questions and concerns is our resident expert, Hawkins B.A.


I've heard that this year, what with all the recalls and all, that I shouldn't buy products that were manufactured in China. Is that true? Should I be worried?
-Sharon in Denver

Nonsense! There's never been a better year to buy from China. Here, I'll just give you one example: say you have a toddler nephew who is having trouble relating to his female classmates. Aquadots, which are made in China, are the perfect toy. In fact, nothing else will have the ladies moving their naptime mats to his faster!

I'm going out of town to visit family for Thanksgiving. Should I still try to go shopping on Black Friday?
-Mona in New York

No, don't bother. Let everyone else get the good deals... Of course you should go on Friday! We've been training for this! In fact, you shouldn't even be leaving town--you lose home field advantage, and will likely get disoriented shopping in a new town. But if you don't mind giving terrible gifts, go ahead and throw it all away. Say hi to grandma for me.

I've heard that there's been a bunch of leaks of Black Friday ads on the internet this year, and the deals aren't that good. Should I bother going still?
-Lizzie in Sacramento

Leaks are nothing new--Black Friday ads have been leaked since the first Thanksgiving (Beaver Pelts 1/2 off before 5 a.m.? Amazing.) What's new this year is that retailers are fighting back. They've flooded the internet with fake ads to counter the leaks. So, just as it was intended, you will have to wait until Thanksgiving morning to steal your neighbor's paper and find out where the deals are.

This year I'm not shopping for any gifts, but instead donating to charity the money I would've spent on people.
-Roberta in San Diego

That's not a question Satanist.

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